Friday, June 6, 2008

The Drive- In Goof

I was reading Margie & Edna's post about drive- in's and it reminded of the last time I went to a drive in.
I went on a date to the drive in to see a movie - I don't remember what movie
You know how you have to get out of the car to go to refreshment building to get your popcorn and coke.
Anywho I went to go and get my stuff and I thought I remembered where we were parked at. I got my stuff and headed back to the car and opened the door to get in and guess what? It was not the right car. It happened to be a single guy and he thought it was funny and I was kind of embarassed but you know I apologized and shut the door wondering where are we parked at .

It happened that my date saw me and flashed his lights and I was able to get back to our car but I tell you it is very easy to get turned around. We laughed about it after it was over.

The first time I remember going to a drive in was when I was a little girl and I was with my mom and dad when they were still together. It was What's New Pussycat? I don't remember the movie from then but I remembered the music and as I got older I saw the movie because I had remembered the music and that was the movie to go with the music. Strange how things like that happen. Maybe I ought to write a book called The Life and Times of C J An Ordinary Person. I wonder if anyone would buy it. After all I am not famous and I don't do crazy stuff to get my name in the limelight. Oh well...

I am going to say sayonara for now
Ladyhawkcj

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Love That Elusive Emotion

When I was a young girl and read those romance books it woke in me a desire to be loved like that. To find that one special person to love you so deeply and passionately and that you could love in the same way. I know those are just books but couldn't such a love be possible? I have never found such a love as that.
I always wanted to know how do you know if you are really in love with someone. When I met my present husband I thought to myself that I love this man. He made me laugh and I just wanted to be with him all the time. I don't know if I really loved him or I just told myself I did.
It is like there is a part of my heart that hasn't been woke up yet. It is hard to describe. I care about my husband and if I did love him it has died.

My problem is this I had two sons from a previous marriage and my husband had two children from previous marriages. We have two daughters together.
I told him from the beginning that I wanted him to treat my sons just like he treated his children. In the course of time I realized he isn't going to treat my sons right. He would want to discipline them but without giving the love that counterbalances it.
I left him a year ago and got my own place because of the way he talked and treated my oldest son. My sons always thought I chose him over them but I also had two daughters to think about to.

My husband does not ever have anything good to say about my son it is always negative. It is called verbal abuse. Anyway I told him back then if he was going to make me choose between my son and him. He was going to lose.
The result was he apologized to my sons and told me he would try to do better and I talked to my sons and so I moved back with him. My sons were not living with us so things were good for awhile. My older son and his wife separated and he needed a place to stay and so he came to stay with us and it started all over again. If my son hadn't come back I probably wouldn't have known that he hadn't changed.

I can't live with someone who constantly treats my son that way. My younger son hasn't lived with us since he was ten and that is something else I can't forgive. He wanted to live with friends of mine that had a son my son's age and so I let him. He wasn't far but he was away from my husband. He is now eighteen and has a great job and making me a grandmother again. My older son is now taking classes to learn welding and he will have a job when he gets done with it.

If I ever did love my husband he has killed it. I think he senses something because he keeps trying to soften me up like buying flowers and taking me out to eat. My son and his girlfriend has rented a three bedroom house and they are going to move into it soon and when they do I am going with them. I am going to stay with them until I can get a place of my own.

Sometimes I feel like I am never going to find a love that I dream about. Maybe I am being unrealistic in wanting a love like that. Maybe love like that doesn't actually exist. I can't help but hope that there is. I know one thing though I would rather be alone than be with someone that gripes all the time and is negative about everything. I am a positive type of person who believes in the good of people until it is proven different.

I want someone who loves me for who I am and not try to make me be in his opinion what a woman should be like. This is all depressing but in a way it is kind of exhilerating in knowing I am going to be free. So on this note I am going say sayonara for now.
Let me know what you think if such a love like that is possible.

Ladyhawkcj