Monday, April 21, 2008

The Choices We Make and Living With Them

I was on my way to work Friday evening when I had this idea of this post . I was thinking about my life and the choices I made with it. Every choice we make has a consequence and we have to live with whatever the outcome is. I am going to share one of my choices that I made and what my consequences are.
Twenty six years ago I met a man and we got married and had two sons. Things were good for a long time and I didn't have any reasons to think any wrong was going to happen.
It started when there was this little girl that came to stay with us and she accused him of molesting her. Of course being the good wife I didn't believe her and knowing the girl had a habit of lying didn't make it easier to believe her.
Fast Forward to several years later:
My mother and my niece came to live with us. I started to notice things weren't the same between us. I also started to notice some things about my niece, the way he would treat her and her reactions to him. She did not want to be around him or be left alone with him. I was a molested child and I started to recognize the signs. I tried to catch him in the act because he was great in trying to make you feel you were in the wrong for thinking these things.
My niece and my mother went to visit my brother where she finally told what was going on.

I believed her but here is the choice I made. I stayed with him for one simple reason I had two sons I had to able to provide for. I started school to become a nurse because I had plans to leave but I wanted to make sure that I could take care of them.
I finished school and passed my state board of nursing test. I got a job and we were living in a house that we rented from the Chief of Police in the town where we lived at.
I went to him and told him what had happened and that I was going to be leaving and he told me whenever I got ready to let him know and he would have some officers go with me.
I was afraid to do it alone because he had already hit me before and he had a bad temper.

So I worked until I got me some money and I worked nights so I was ready to go. I had called my brother and he came up and parked outside the front of my house. I had gotten in touch with Chief and told him I was ready. Two officers came in the house with me and I got my boys up and took them out to my brothers car and he watched them while I was inside getting my money and a few things.

He was asleep and didn't wake up for which I was glad. Maybe I was a sneaky person but I was not very brave when it come to facing him.
Here is my consequence:
My older son loved his father very much, he was a daddy's boy. He got very angry with me.
My niece told him what his daddy did to her and while he loves his cousin he didn't believe her. He is now twenty three years old and he believes now. But not until another episode came up and that is another story. My son was ten when I left his daddy and it took ten years for him to realize the truth of things.
I never said anything about his daddy to him because regardless of how he was and how I felt about him he was still their daddy. The funny thing was that he was a good dad. Just sick!

When he come to me and asked me what happened then I told him. He said his daddy told him a different story. He was a confused little boy and tore my heart up that he had to go through all that. My younger son wasn't quite five yet and as long as he had me he was ok.

My family at the couldn't understand at the time why I didn't leave right away but I had a plan and I did what I had to do for my boys.There was plenty of times when my stomach would just feel sick and I didn't know if I could stomach him to be able to do what I had to do.
When I called my mother to tell her I was leaving for them to start doing what they had to do.
He was arrested and put in jail.
There are plenty of stories about all of that but I think this is enough for now.

Was I wrong in doing things the way I did? Does that make me a bad person?
I know what I think but tell me what you think.


beeker said...

I think you could ask 10 people how to handle this situation and you would get 10 different answers. It is especially hard when you are financially dependent on the person and scared for yourself and children. You did what you thought best given the circumstances. That does not make you a bad person.

Sandra said...

Thanks for sharing. There are so many reasons why women stay and until we walk in another's persons shoes,no answer is ever clear cut. Thank God you have the courage to be a survivor and not a victim. Peace

From the Eyes of my Heart said...

Hi Carol =)

I personally think you did the right thing. Stuff like that should not be tolerated. You are very brave! As you said he was a good dad but sick. At least when it was exposed, it gave him the opportunity to deal with his problem and to change. but of course he will suffer the consequences. Am sure your son will understand it more as he matures.